well, the day has arrived. the last day of august. the last day i can take care of unfinished items on my To-Do-Summer-Check-List.
what a summer its been. i feel like the past 3 months has been like my 29th year. i packed about 5 years of living, happiness and experiences into the year before i turned 30... and now i feel like i packed about 5 summers into 3 months.
this has equally been the worst, and best year of my life. and the picture to the left captures the "best" part absolutely accurately.
for the last 2 years, my phone has barely rung. i wouldn't get a text for days or even weeks sometimes. i had totally cut myself off from the world. but this summer, i opened myself back up whole heartedly.
Messages 425.
that is from yesterday alone. i noticed it this morning on my way to breakfast. looking at it now, it says Messages 524 and it's 100% full.
my phone looks like this every day now...
going from zero outside world contact to full on social butterfly again, is a big change. but it was necessary this summer. i say social butterfly in the absolute mildest sense i can possibly elude. im not like i was in high school. im not even like i was in college. ive entered a new phase of balance. and its alarmingly calm. i keep waiting for my old self to rear its head, but i honestly think the bad parts of me are buried and gone. ive moved on from that mindset, that attitude, and that anger. i'm still me, but like, Shelly Happy 2.0... maybe even Shelly Bliss 2.5 :)
my favorite quote has ALWAYS been "it's never too late to have a happy childhood", and i lived that this summer. everyone LOVES to say "live each day like its your last" and i have always hated that saying. its so pretentious, and like i was saying to gary the other night- "shuuuuuut up. don't say that unless you're ACTUALLY going to do something with your days. no one wants to hear that from you when we know you spent all day on the couch in your underwear eating cheetos. its so pretentious."
but this summer, i really did live most of my days like that. i would have been satisfied with 90% of them being my last day on earth. i did so much, and saw so much and shared so much and loved SO so so so much... im not sure i've ever been so mentally and emotionally present. i know what it feels like to squeeze every moment of joy out of something, until you're just absolutely exhausted. and i feel confident that if i were to die tonight, (with the exception of leaving behind a messy room and bathroom) i would be fine with that.
i started this summer praying to God every single night- that He wouldn't let me wake up. and in 3 short months, i have mended my heart and my head, and found a focus i've never had before. and as i pack my bags for nashville to check off the VERY last thing on my summer check list (albeit it will be completed 2 weeks late- it WILL be completed...) i am filled with a very, VERY interesting realization. this is my life now. it's not about to happen, it's not over... it's happening. right this second. im not going to be something when i grow up- i AM what i am now as a grown up. i don't have to picture my life in the future because it will happen JUST AS ITS SUPPOSED to, regardless. for the past 10 years i have felt absolutely awful and worthless because i have never been able to picture my future. guess what? i still can't. i used to think it's because i was going to die young, or because i just hadn't met the right person that i could picture my future with. well, that future came and went. i pictured it, it was amazing, and then it was gone. and now i'm back to not being able to see past today. and i have FINALLY figured out- that there doesn't have to be an answer for that. maybe that's because my path just isn't written. maybe i am one of those people who doesn't have a destiny. there's lot of options for me, and i can choose whichever one i want. well- i want all of them. i want all the options blended into one. and that is just something the imagination cannot picture. so im left with a blank canvas. because maybe- just maybe- i will exceed my own destiny. so the picture hasn't been drawn for me to see yet.
messages 425. and every last one of them ended with "i love you".
i can't IMAGINE a better spring board to the future.
SUMMER CHECK LIST (*click here to check it out*)
i completed everything on the list but 2 things. one will be completed within 2 weeks, and the other... well... i guess it will be completed when i finally find it.
NEW BLOG LAYOUT
everything will be changing here soon :) the summer feel will change to a fall feel, and we'll start a new fall check list and a new feature will debut instead of the "of the week" feature... it'll be fun :) yeay! change!
what a summer its been. i feel like the past 3 months has been like my 29th year. i packed about 5 years of living, happiness and experiences into the year before i turned 30... and now i feel like i packed about 5 summers into 3 months.
this has equally been the worst, and best year of my life. and the picture to the left captures the "best" part absolutely accurately.
for the last 2 years, my phone has barely rung. i wouldn't get a text for days or even weeks sometimes. i had totally cut myself off from the world. but this summer, i opened myself back up whole heartedly.
Messages 425.
that is from yesterday alone. i noticed it this morning on my way to breakfast. looking at it now, it says Messages 524 and it's 100% full.
my phone looks like this every day now...
going from zero outside world contact to full on social butterfly again, is a big change. but it was necessary this summer. i say social butterfly in the absolute mildest sense i can possibly elude. im not like i was in high school. im not even like i was in college. ive entered a new phase of balance. and its alarmingly calm. i keep waiting for my old self to rear its head, but i honestly think the bad parts of me are buried and gone. ive moved on from that mindset, that attitude, and that anger. i'm still me, but like, Shelly Happy 2.0... maybe even Shelly Bliss 2.5 :)
my favorite quote has ALWAYS been "it's never too late to have a happy childhood", and i lived that this summer. everyone LOVES to say "live each day like its your last" and i have always hated that saying. its so pretentious, and like i was saying to gary the other night- "shuuuuuut up. don't say that unless you're ACTUALLY going to do something with your days. no one wants to hear that from you when we know you spent all day on the couch in your underwear eating cheetos. its so pretentious."
but this summer, i really did live most of my days like that. i would have been satisfied with 90% of them being my last day on earth. i did so much, and saw so much and shared so much and loved SO so so so much... im not sure i've ever been so mentally and emotionally present. i know what it feels like to squeeze every moment of joy out of something, until you're just absolutely exhausted. and i feel confident that if i were to die tonight, (with the exception of leaving behind a messy room and bathroom) i would be fine with that.
i started this summer praying to God every single night- that He wouldn't let me wake up. and in 3 short months, i have mended my heart and my head, and found a focus i've never had before. and as i pack my bags for nashville to check off the VERY last thing on my summer check list (albeit it will be completed 2 weeks late- it WILL be completed...) i am filled with a very, VERY interesting realization. this is my life now. it's not about to happen, it's not over... it's happening. right this second. im not going to be something when i grow up- i AM what i am now as a grown up. i don't have to picture my life in the future because it will happen JUST AS ITS SUPPOSED to, regardless. for the past 10 years i have felt absolutely awful and worthless because i have never been able to picture my future. guess what? i still can't. i used to think it's because i was going to die young, or because i just hadn't met the right person that i could picture my future with. well, that future came and went. i pictured it, it was amazing, and then it was gone. and now i'm back to not being able to see past today. and i have FINALLY figured out- that there doesn't have to be an answer for that. maybe that's because my path just isn't written. maybe i am one of those people who doesn't have a destiny. there's lot of options for me, and i can choose whichever one i want. well- i want all of them. i want all the options blended into one. and that is just something the imagination cannot picture. so im left with a blank canvas. because maybe- just maybe- i will exceed my own destiny. so the picture hasn't been drawn for me to see yet.
messages 425. and every last one of them ended with "i love you".
i can't IMAGINE a better spring board to the future.
SUMMER CHECK LIST (*click here to check it out*)
i completed everything on the list but 2 things. one will be completed within 2 weeks, and the other... well... i guess it will be completed when i finally find it.
NEW BLOG LAYOUT
everything will be changing here soon :) the summer feel will change to a fall feel, and we'll start a new fall check list and a new feature will debut instead of the "of the week" feature... it'll be fun :) yeay! change!
