my obsession with mint green rages on.
and it has spread to my taste buds.

i want these.
all of these.

who's comin' over this weekend? :)

OKAY so i've done it. i've joined a dating site. just kill me now.
seriously.

here's what my sleep deprived delirium convinced me to do.
thanks a LOT, mental problems. why you gotta hate me?!
(click the pic)

i hate dating. i always have. i always will. i've never actually dated someone that i didn't get to know first as friends. liam was probably the closest i ever came to dating. oh that's not true, my FIRST relationship was normal. everything since then has been love at first sight, or friends that have developed into more. dating is a war zone. im not thrilled to be back out there, but it's a necessary step to.. ya know... not eating the entire walgreens chocolate isle... every night.

so, since i'm not REALLY interested in dating, i really have nothing to lose or be embarrassed about.
so i put my real picture up. so i'm SURE i'll be hearing about it soon... "OMG MISS SHELLY! i saw you on" so and so" and it said you were looking for LOVE!!!" actually what im looking for are people to make me feel better about myself, but ya know. tomato, tamata.

since i knew i'd be blogging about this, i put that i was interested in both men and women so i could view the most profiles and make fun of an appropriate cross section of people.

wow.
even i couldnt have dreamed i'd hit such a gold mine.
let's just review day one, shall we?

PROFILE 1
tagline: "date someone your own age. as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight!" (barf)
"Let me paint a detailed yet somewhat generalized portrait of my ideal woman: She loves the show "Charmed" as much as I do, and is very much like the character in it, Piper Haliwell. She is sensitive (BY THAT I DON'T MEAN SOME OVERLY-EMOTIONAL BASKET-CASE WHO CRIES ALL THE TIME), she is caring, something of a mother - architypically speaking - strong-willed, easy to get along with but equally determined to either get her way or find a fair compromise for both parties. She is feminine, beautiful, and effortlessly seductive in an innocent way, and knows that this is where her strength lies---------not because she uses it to be manipulative or derisive, but because she flourishes at simply being the independent and unflinching pillar of feminine fortitude she is proud to be. She dresses modishly, and likes smelling of heady florals, nutty scents, and sweet musks and fruits. Her skin is soft. She loves herself unconditionally, and her family and lifemate are those who mean the most to her in life. She enjoys pampering herself with effeminate she-stuff little indulgences, she cleaves to the embrace of a hot bath, and brushing her hair makes her radiate an adorable childlike sleepy-time essence. 
This is a woman who is not afraid to cry, and says what is on her mind, with elloquence and an acute grace that favors kindness over harshness. 
This kind of girl is the type of woman who is finally ready to settle-down, but can still throw a wicked party! "

i mean... come ON! this is in the DESCRIPTION box!  i just posted it here- and i STILL havent read the whole thing! SHUT UP! that's part of the problem with the general population today. everyone is so full of themselves and so hell bent on coming off verbose and wise and poetic beyond their years, that they get lost in their own word vomit and come out looking like a jane austen rip off wanna be IDIOT! and their EXPECTATIONS?! DOUBLE COME ON!  they ruin any chance they have of finding someone with all these rules and guidelines and emotional hair brushing techniques (that part was just downright creepy.) what if i'm perfect for you but i hate charmed and just feel like a normal human whilst brushing my hair? what if you're perfect for me, BUT I HATE CHARMED AND JUST FEEL LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN WHILST BRUSHING MY HAIR? come ON... this person is a nut job. they're so concerned with presenting themselves in a certain way that they totally turn off someone who might be interested in them. this is a DATING. SITE. not the bible. wtf was all that shakespearian prologue?! GHEEZ.


MY PROFILE
thank goodness i'm not encumbered by that insatiable need or want to look or sound or act ANY way but simply me.
here's what my profile says:
tagline: "um, not enough room."
description: "it's so hard to be witty in these things... let's hang out. and if i'm not witty, you can rewrite this to capture my appropriate level of boredom... boredness? bordemnicity. boom. nailed it."

there is no need for a life story. oh did i mention, the "charmed" obsessed profile i posted above? yeah. that was paragraph 3 of 7.
oooo! someone just looked at my profile. omg. its charmed craze. omg. just kill me.