the next time i fall in love...
i will take my time.
i won't be hurried, rushed or frantic.
and i won't let you be either.
there will be no drama.
no push and pull.
no games.
no wondering.
no soap opera.
it will be calm.
and quiet.
and peaceful.
we will say what we feel when we feel it,
and we will treat each other with the utmost respect at every moment, always.
make no mistake about it...
i will sweep you off your feet if you let me...
but i will put you back solidly on the ground.
i have no intention of ever living in the clouds again.
and i have no intention of jumping with my eyes closed...
we'll take our time because we'll realize we have plenty of it.
and we'll realize that everything is just as it should be.
and that everything we need, we already have in ourselves.
we will compliment each other. not complete each other.
for i am already whole without you, and you are whole without me.
we will ADD to each others lives. make it better. happier. blissful.
things will make sense that haven't made sense in a long time.
the next time i fall in love...
i will take my time.
this year's fathers day was probably the best one we've ever had.
it was just chill, but fun... restful yet busy... i dont know how it all worked out, but it did. wonderfully :)
here are a few glimpses <3 Father's Day 2011 it started as most days do, by the dogs jumping on my head at 5 am to wake me up. at which, i banished them to their beds.
juniper hated me. i've never met a dog who can look so pitiful... then, i thinned out half of my hair. its SO thick and heavy, i sweat 25/8.
after thinning (seriously) half of it out, i mean, LOOK at that fistful!) it was still SO heavy i wanted to cry... i can't wait until september when i can just chop it all off again. ugh. ive never wanted to cut my hair so badly in my life. it's been nice, but its TIME TO GO. then i took my dad to see "the green lantern", which i didn't know would be in 3D!!! it was AMAZINGGGGGG!!!!
we were both on the edge of our seats. ive never seen my dad so excited in a movie ;) it was just awesome.
AND, once the lights came back up, i nearly died at the collection of popcorn on his belly shelf... ah dad :) then we went to qdoba for dinner (yes, HIS choice. not fancy, but MY SWEET BURRITO is it good). and THEN... in my favorite event of the day... we went next door to yogalicious to get dessert, and there was no room to eat our icecream inside! so.... when we walked outside, we saw these firefighters across the parking lot eating their yogurt on the front bumper of the fire truck. and we just HAPPENED to have lawn chairs in the back of the car! so we pulled them out, mom & dad sat in them, and i sat in the hatchback. it was HILARIOUS. absolutely hilarious. people kept driving by and waving... then it was time for a few presents, and a quick half game of hand & foot... in which i got TROUNCED because these were my cards... all in all- just an absolutely lovely day :)
i hope yours was good too <3
 why are we always so eager to believe the worst in people? why are we always so eager to NOT give people the benefit of the doubt? why do we always assume things are aimed at us? why do we think everyone is talking about us behind our back? why are we always so defensive? why do we always have to be right?
why do we think the world revolves around us?
IT DOESN'T.
not everything is about you.
that thing you heard your friend say? that wasn't about you. stop reacting. give them the benefit of the doubt. they are your FRIEND. trust that they're not talking crap about you. trust them. have faith in them. give them the benefit of the doubt.
that facebook status you saw? that wasn't about you. stop blogging ot tweeting about it. did you even stop to ask this person what it was about? and furthermore- WHY would you think it WAS aimed at you? have you done something to deserve this? it may apply to SOMETHING that has happened- but DOES it apply to YOU? SPECIFICALLY? not everything is about you.
the minute i stopped thinking every little thing anyone said was about me, my life got so much happier.
when i made the choice to say "ok- even though that could apply to me- it's probably not about me- because the world doesn't revolve around me" - everything became more clear. i'm sure SOME things are about me, but why would i assume that every little negative thing ANYONE EVER SAYS- is directed at me?
i don't understand this streak in people... why certain people don't grow out of it. one of the major reasons i erased my twitter and cut back 1000% on my facebooking is because of this very thing. people take things SO out of context. you could be speaking about the temperature on the moon, and your friend would IMMEDIATELY apply it to themselves, pick a fight with you, overreact, facebook it, tweet it, blog it, and slam you 6 ways to sunday. and you were simply referring to some passing thought about the moon.
why do we do this to ourselves?
why do we ASSUME the bad stuff is about us?
because we NEVER assume the GOOD stuff is about us. if someone wrote "my god. i can't believe it. SO. HOT." what would you think? that person just saw someone hot, right? now, their friends are going to re-tweet and respond, and facebook comment, and blow the ENTIRE innocent comment out of proportion. the person's partner will get their feelings hurt, their friends will jump down their throat... rumors will be started.... and all the while it will have occurred to NO ONE that it was 95 degrees today. and that was ALL that was about.
we NEVER give people the benefit of the doubt.
we do we assume someone is trying to hurt us in some covert way?
shouldn't we give that person the benefit of the doubt that if they had a problem with us- they would actually come to US with the problem? and furthermore, if we assume something is about us, why do we have to overreact and draw the ENTIRE UNIVERSE into the "dispute"... twitter, blogs, facebook, tumblr, youtube... these are all just new mediums for people to get their feelings hurt.
give someone the benefit of the doubt today. don't react. simply assume it has nothing to do with you unless it has your name on it, and move on. you'll be SO much happier. learn to do this with EVERYTHING. because let me tell you- if someone is covertly writing condescending crap about you on the internet, or saying it behind your back- you don't want them in your life anyway. invest in people who have your best interests at heart. and then have FAITH in them. you want good friends? it starts with YOU being a good friend first.
it's not you.
it's not them....
it's simply all of us trying to coexist in a world where absolutely every little thing is stacked against us.
stop thinking everyone is attacking you. why would you want to do that to yourself?
no reaction is the best reaction. and it will alleviate SO much of your stress and heartache.
trust me. this is something i had to learn for myself in my 20's.
as much as it does in your head- the world does NOT revolve around you.
relax.
and now- how many people who are reading this think i'm talking about you?
THATS EXACTLY WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. why aren't you giving me the benefit of the doubt right now?
that if i had a problem with you, i would say it TO YOUR FACE, as ALL of you know i do when i have a problem...
i don't sneak around... i confront and resolve... so why would you CHOOSE to think this is about you?
the only way this is about you is if it applies to you.
and if you're getting your feelings all hurt by this blog,
maybe this is something you need to look at in yourself.
maybe you should be looking at these things in yourself every single day.
growth cannot happen without reflection.
growth will NEVER happen without positive action.
take an active interest in your attitude. don't assume. give.
give the benefit of the doubt. are you a good friend? ARE you?
do you think people are talking crap about you all the time?
well maybe you think that because YOU are talking crap about people all the time.
so you just ASSUME it's happening to you.
it's not. so stop it.
get over yourself.
i got over myself when i was 29 years old.
i got so tired of driving myself insane over every little thing i was hearing and reading online,
one day i slammed my computer shut and said "NO MORE. it's not about you. it's about them."
and since then- i've been free.
if it doesn't have your name on it- why would you claim it?
it's not about you.
it's not you.
give the benefit of the doubt.
ok its 11:28 pm and i just got home from rehearsal and im gonna try to whip this story out before midnight!!!!!  so... im going to talk about a person tonight. im pretty sure they've either died, or have amnesia and don't even remember i exist. either way, i feel completely confident that they will NEVER see this, so i can say what i please :)
ok i lied. not really a person, but a FEELING. a memory. sense memory. a lasting memory.
this picture holds some very special memories for me. this was taken at the monterey bay aquarium.
if you live in california, you have no doubt seen the commercials about the aquarium that have INUNDATED every single commercial break for the last few months. i guess they're gearing up for summer... most people visit the aquarium then... and today's story is about the last time i was there.
the tag lines of these commercials are "monterey bay aquarium... fall in love". and EVERY TIME i have to close my eyes, take a deep breath and remind myself that im ok, because thats EXACTLY what i was doing the last time i was there. monterey holds SO many special memories for me. especially the aquarium now. i remember every single little thing about the day this picture represents. every feeling. every butterfly. every stolen moment. it was without a doubt- one of the best days of my entire life. i dont know when i've ever felt so connected to someone, or so excited to be a part of something great. something so full of possibility. every time this commercial urges me to "fall in love", part of me does. over and over and over... with that memory. with that day. with the night before it.... and what happened after we left the aquarium... we went to the bluff and shared our first sunset... wrapped around each other... then we went to the santa cruz boardwalk and danced down the center isle... and stole more moments as the sun disappeared into the ocean...
i remember every single SECOND of that day. even the music that was playing, and the tears that fell... the tears that i still don't know why they were falling... the tears i would have given anything to wipe away... the person... the most beautiful person i've ever known... every breath... every look... every move... every touch... every word, every laugh, every smile... the person who stayed the most important person in my life for the next 2 years... the person i still feel with me every single second no matter what... the person i still dream of every night... the person i would do anything for, and would never even consider saying an unkind word about... the person i would swim through sharks for...
ALL because of this day, and these moments, and how i fell in Love with them this day. more than i've ever Loved anyone in my whole life. those moments... those smiles. how much they meant to me. and still- how much they STILL mean to me. and what i would do to make them smile again... i would give anything to be in the presence of that smile again... to touch the corners i discovered that day... the corners that would break my heart every time i looked at them... to go back to this day again... to go back to how they looked at me... i've never felt such Love in a look. we could write a 15,000 page novel to each other with our eyes... their feet on my feet under the table... always. no matter what. under every table, in every restaurant in every home... all that Love. all those memories. it all started this day. that day. those moments still get me through THESE days. whenever things seem unbearable, i think of that day and how beautiful it was. and i know that since life was that beautiful once- it CAN be that beautiful again.
this day will always represent Love to me. that's just how it is. i wrote the song below about this day... about that time... about that person... there is something so special about the memory of that day... its with me every moment of every day. and today was no different. for some reason, i thought of this day ALL day today. and when i got upset, it was the thing that calmed me down. remembering those moments... holding onto them for as long as i can, even though they hurt now... i dont know. its MINE. those memories are MINE. that Love is MINE. it was OURS. that day at the aquarium will live in my memory forever. and whenever i need to remember something good that has happened, its always, ALWAYS- the first thing that comes to mind.
"monterey bay aquarium... fall in love..."
we did.
thank you God.
<3
my lovely
i had an idea of what we would be
and then you proceeded to will that dream right out of me...
we exceeded my expectations.
it started as nothing, nowhere to begin!
then you found the center of my arm and dared me to win-
you TOTALLY suckered me in...
what do i do? here... now.... without you.... ?
i'm up and over
i'm running slower.
i'm crawling faster- grasping at your breath to KEEP you here...
its hard then smooth
starts rough then softly we move
and i just CANNOT get enough of you-
my Lovely...
we're not in an ideal situation
i can't stress enough how i WISH we could run back to sunset bay
and LIVE in those moments we stole...
i'd not been so happy in SUCH a long time...
to FIND Love, and FEEL Love, and make SUCH Love - only to realize-
i can't really have you at all...
what do i do?
now that i've lost you....
?
im up and over
im running slower
my chest is rising SO full of the words that you whispered to me...
its hard enough to Love you-
but then NOT to be allowed to KEEP you here...
something about you just drew me right in.
i can't explain! don't ask me to begin...
i'll not find the words to adequately explain to you-
how you blow me away...
now i'm up and over.
i'm running slower
i'm crawling faster
GRASPING at your breath to keep you here!
its hard then smooth
starts rough... now.... softly we move.
and i just CANNOT get enough of you....
my Lovely.
SO! my mom and i are throwing my dad a surprise 70th birthday partay!!!! :)
i FINALLY finished the invitations yesterday. just an idea of how intense these invitations are-
once printed- it took me 6 hours to put 12 invites together. :/ now THAT my friends, is dedication to family ;)
i thought you might like to see them! these are the print sheets, so there's 4 to a sheet.
and thanks to my not-so-recent-canoodling with a professional graphic artist- i knew all the pixels and spacing and stuff
i needed to look up to make it all work. yeay for my brain paying attention ;)
here you go!!! if you hate it- i dont wanna hear it. it took me- FOR.EVER. and a day.
dad's surprise partay invites! oh- after i printed and cut them all out,
i glued them together in a "flip coupon booklet" form... they. are. adorable.
then i wrapped them all in yellow tissue paper, and put a sticker with the initial of the recipient's last name on it to seal it up all nice. ya know. im classy. whatever. ;)
page 1 page 2 page 3 page 4 page 5
elsie & jeremy finally got married :)
and i cried... from 2,000 miles away <3
 today is going to be a hard day for me. i have a ton of things to do, a lot of traveling and then performing, and its going to be a really late night. and all i really want to do is sit and be sad for the last time.
today is supposed to be my 2 year anniversary, in a lifetime of anniversaries. but its not. instead, today is now nothing. and i wish i had the luxury of just sitting in one place and mourning that today. but i don't. i have to get up and go be productive. i don't feel productive today. i just feel sad.
im not confident that i will ever love again. and that is really sad to me. the fact that- this picture to the left- might never be me. i'll never have a 50th anniversary with someone... because i'm already in my 30's. i might not make it that far. or if i ever have another partner- they might not make it that far. i just feel robbed of happiness today. and i know im betraying my course in positive psychology right now, but part of that is being honest about your feelings, and instead of acknowledging your weaknesses- acknowledging your strengths.
well, unfortunately, one thing i am REALLY good at, is loving. and i have no one to love today. on a day when i should be celebrating with the person i love more than anything, instead i'm alone. thinking about how its very likely that i'll feel this way every day for the rest of my life. today, one of my strengths cannot be celebrated. it feels wasted. my positivity feels wasted. and my time feels wasted. i feel sad, and old, and like everyone gets what they want except me. i know that's not true, but on a day when i should be celebrating, instead, i'm left trying to escape memories that haunt me. trying to smile when all i really want to do is crawl into a hole and disappear. and now i have to travel to a place that holds SO many memories... i don't want to go.
one day, i hope that today will be about something other than how i've lost my love. but for now, that's what it's about. have a good day... because its going to be a real effort for me to smile today. if you have someone, tell them you love them just because you can. you're so blessed to have that. because there are people in this world who would give up everything just to have that again for a day. just a day.
today.
i've never wanted kids of my own. never.
i see the state of the world and it makes me want to cry.
i think it's the main source of SO much depression and hopelessness in the world today-
so WHY would i want to inflict THIS world upon a child?
but. that being said.
lately, i have actually become very open to the idea of having kids.
well, not having- adopting. adopting children. like i adopted my dogs :)
and let me just say this- if i ever DO have kids-
my children will do it differently.
ALL of it.
-they will not keep us up all night because we will get them on a correct schedule from the get -go
-they will not run wild in public
-people will not hate them because they never stop screaming
-they will not accompany us to slasher films at midnight
-they will not accompany us to ANYTHING that is inappropriate for children
-they will go to bed at appropriate times
-before bed, they will be read to. every. single. night. until the time, before they start 1st grade-
they can read themselves to sleep.
-they will NEVER know that people think there are still different "classes" of society. they will treat everyone exactly the same. with kindness, and respect.
-they will know "gay" as nothing out of the ordinary from day one.
-they will know about God, and Buddha, and Angels, and Devils, and they will get to decide for themselves if they learn more beyond what we teach them. they will also ALWAYS get to decide for themselves what they believe in. and whatever that may be, will be celebrated.
-their home will be their safe place, always full of love and encouragement, and they will NOT take their anger and frustrations out on us, their parents, because they will NOT see us, their parents, take out our anger and frustrations on each other, or on them. ever.
-they will be taught to stick up for themselves, and everyone else from day one.
-if they see injustice, they will SPEAK up. they will NEVER be afraid of getting hit, bullied, beat up, shot, stabbed, or attacked in anyway because standing up for the right conquers all fears of retaliation. they will know that and never back down from what is right, no matter what.
-they will know their parents entire story. how we met. how we fell in love. how we adopted them. what we were like as kids. they will have our photo albums and learn the stories of their grandparents and they will see where they live/lived, and learn to celebrate their history. we will ingrain in them the importance of family and keeping traditions alive.
-they will learn about sex and drugs and everything surrounding that from a very early age. they will be armored with as much knowledge as we can muster so they are prepared for everything that might befall them. and if something happens that we haven't prepared them for, they will have enough knowledge to make an informed emotional decision about what is best for them.
-they will drive when its time. not before, not after. they will smoke when it's time. not before, not after. they will drink when it's time. not before, not after. they will engage in each right of passage WHEN they are old enough and NOT put it off- so that they have the fullest life with the most amazing experiences possible.
-they will be trusted to go out with their friends.
-they will be trusted to have sex if they want to.
-they will be trusted to move away if they want to.
-they will get jobs as SOON as they are old enough so they always know the importance of working for what you want in life. however, they will take valuable time off so they can be children for as long as possible.
-when its time to go to college, they will go wherever they want, and pursue whatever they want. and if they so choose- they don't have to go. they can work instead. regardless- they will move out into their own place the first year after high school. after that, they are welcome to come back home. but that first year away from home is CRUCIAL to growing independent. and i will not hold my child back or deprive them of that growing-up opportunity because i don't have the money or because i will miss them.
raising children is a privilege 99% of the world takes for granted.
i take nothing for granted. therefore i will not make this decision lightly.
part of the reason why i've never wanted kids is because i don't see myself ever being financially responsible enough to support an entire family. myself and a partner- yes. myself, my partner, children, dogs, mortgage, cars... maybe not. but who knows. i'm open to it now, which i have never been before. and it's been my experience, that as soon as i open myself up to something i've been closed off about- it happens.
we'll see.
i think i'll make a friggin' awesome mom.
it'd be a shame to waste that ;)
- "There was a sense of being taken on a journey by the grandmaster of the road trip. You feel
this weird angel taking you somewhere. You don't know where, but you trust him..."
- "His family and I watch Matilda as she whispers to trees, hugs animals, and takes steps two at a time,
and we know that he is with us still..."
Hi. I'm Shelly Bort.
And today i'm going to share with you 5 AWESOME ways to get over your break up.
Have you lost your lover to someone else?
Has your partner given you a whole LIST of reasons why they can't bear to stay even one more minute?
Or did you just wake up one day and notice that all of their stuff has miraculously disappeared?
Well then you're in luck.
Because I'm about to share with you 5 SECRETS of getting over a break up.
Now, you can spend hundreds, if not THOUSANDS of dollars on psychotherapists, books and on online courses on how to deal with the grief of the ONE PERSON you FINALLY let yourself count on picking up and leaving you cold, but they won't give you the REAL reasons behind your break up. And that's just part of what we're going to explore here, today.
LESSON 1: Figuring out why they left.
Now, you might think of literally HUNDREDS of reasons why your relationship didn't work, but let me tell you- they're all just excuses. The ONLY reason your partner left you- is because you just weren't good enough. They got tired of settling, and decided to move on to someone hotter.
Now that you have clarity about WHY your relationship failed, you can move on to the next important step in a break up.
LESSON 2: Dealing with the pain.
Psychologists will spend hours upon hours upon months upon years taking you through every step of your childhood and helping you deal with all the issues that lead to your subsequent break up, but I am going to fast track that for you right now.
5 AWESOME WAYS TO GET OVER YOUR BREAK UP.
These are not just a band-aid to mask the pain. These are LASTING remedies that will turn you into a better, brighter person. And your ex might even change their mind and want you back...
1. Pressure your ex.
If they are the one who left you, there is NO HARM in calling them 10, 20, even 100 times a day to cry, plead, beg, accuse, scream at and basically just take all of your anger over the break up out on them. Remember- they deserve it. They LEFT you. It will make them feel guilty, and it will make you feel a LOT better, as well as making you attractive to your ex again. Who WOULDN'T want to be told exactly how they messed up and the effects it's having on you? I know I would! And hopefully, this will trick them into coming back. But if for some strange reason (I say "strange because #1 is usually fool proof), here are some other ways to move on if you're sure your relationship is over.
(#2 should only be applied if #1 has not worked. But don't give easily up on #1. Repeat step 1 over and over for at least 6 months to a year. And if they are still resistant, move on to this step.)
2. Read every letter and email they ever wrote to you.
Go back to the beginning of your relationship to see how happy you were. See everything they promised you. All the jillions of times they swore they would never leave you, they'd fight for you, and the years upon years that THEY pursued YOU! This will make you feel better about yourself. To know that even though you suck now, once upon a time somebody actually wanted you. To make it through this entire step, you'll need lots of tissues, ice cream, cookies, and a gun.
3. Watch every sad movie you can find.
This step is especially helpful. Comparing your relationship to successful relationships is really what you want to do at this step of the grieving process. And you can't FIND better examples of relationships than the marriages and love affairs in movies! You will identify with one of the characters in the movie, and it will help you relive all the good times you had with your ex. When the movie takes that sad turn and one of them leaves, the sheer terror and abandon you will feel in your soul at the humanity of your reality in this moment will break you down in a way normal grieving just will not. Inevitably this is the "crawling to the window stage." We've all been there... lying on the floor, possibly vomiting... after 10 or 11 days or non-stop sobbing, you will start army crawling across the carpet to the nearest window. "Why God, WHY?!" will spill out of your lips as well as probably some more vomit, and then remembering the scene in the movie that devastated you will spur you on to greater heights of sorrow, effectively helping you get over your break up faster. And then when the characters unrealistically get back together at the end of the movie and live happily ever after, keep reminding yourself that this will never happen for you, and you will undoubtedly never date, be kissed, or touched, or ever have anyone love you again for the rest of your life. This will get you ready for step 4.
4. Plan your funeral.
At this stage in the grieving process, you want to go ahead and write down everything you'd want your ex to say at your funeral. Naturally they would be devastated because they're the ones who drove you to this. You want to vocalize your inner most desires in this speech. It should include lots of crying, maybe some playful re-enactments that your ex would perform for the guests at your funeral, and then of course, pick what song they would sing. Personally, my ex would sing "Lady in Red." It doesn't have any special meaning to us, I just really like that song. Plus, I look good in red. You want to make a video of you portraying your ex, and talk to yourself AS them. Say all the things you'd want to hear but they will never say. Make sure you're alone in the dark when you watch this tape back every day for the next 15 years. Concentrating on your pain really helps the process along. Don't try to distract yourself with friends or family at this point. Don't listen to psychologists when they want to put you on anti-depressants or admit you to the psych ward "just in case"... don't listen when your ex tells you to drop dead (naturally you should still be repeating step 1 at this point, and if they continue to reject you, just put it all in the funeral speech),and make sure you are still sleeping with a large amount of their clothes. This will help you hold on to the good times.
5. Really let yourself go.
During the grieving process, professionals will tell you to "do something good for yourself every day." You really want to ignore this advice and just do the opposite. Make sure you don't go outside for months at a time, stop showering, don't change your clothes or your bedding, don't clean up your house, become a hoarder, shun your family and friends and really just focus on you and your grief. You can't expect to get over it if you never deal with it. Go to the darkest place you can and STAY there. This could be the basement, or the attic or the back of a stinky closet... preferably some place really creepy and some place your ex REALLY hated. That way you can get back at them at the same time as helping yourself. You want to take a flashlight with you, and everything that reminds you of your ex. Pictures, clothes, journals. cook books... really anything you can think of. In the dark, turn your flashlight on and start going through these items one by one, crying as hard as you can at every remembrance. Really get it all out. Order a pizza if you think this will take longer than a day... but only if your ex liked pizza, because then that will remind you of them and make you cry even harder. Ignore ANYONE'S attempts to see you during this phase. Now, the best part about step 5, is that it can last for the rest of your life. Just let yourself go. And NEVER come out of it. One day you'll thank me. But don't get too close! Cause... you'll probably be a little ripe...
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