in the blog i posted yesterday it said that one of the steps to true happiness is freeing yourself of attachments. i had absolutely NO IDEA how to do that! its hard. i struggle with it as does everyone. i wasn't sure how to go about releasing myself of these attachments... attachments to things, people, places... but in following the 3 steps below i've begun to free myself. and let me tell you- since finding these lists online and practicing them daily, my life has been SO much happier and healthier. i recommend you do it immediately. steps to healing. steps to sanity. steps to loving yourself and living a happy life :) BOOM. done :)
the article is about breaking an attachment to your ex, but it can be applied to anything you're struggling with.
good luck :) - Learn how to be responsible for your own emotions. You are the only one who has control over how you feel at any particular moment. No one can make you happy or sad. You decide how their actions affect you. You must become responsible for how you react to others emotionally. Take control of your entire emotional system now or you will continue to be a slave to it for the rest of your life.
- Learn what your emotional needs are and learn how to give yourself what you expected your ex to give you instead. If you expected your ex to give you love and attention, give love and attention to yourself. You will find that you are more fulfilled when you provide yourself with the things that you think you are lacking.
- Define your own self worth and don’t let other people dictate what your worth is no matter how much you love them. You are the only one who knows really how valuable you are. Start to appreciate all of the good qualities that you possess and let no one determine or undermine your self worth. Period! When you let other people define who you are and what you are worth, you give away your power and allow them to walk all over you. You are not a doormat, so stop acting like one.
Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go: 1. Give up your need to always be right.There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel. “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu 3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life. 4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that. “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle 5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly! “A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle 6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking. 7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all. 8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly. 9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell 10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer 11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt 12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real. 13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now. 14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words. 15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. originally found here
ok. i have become completely obsessed with the idea of getting a row boat.
it won't go away. so that's what im going to focus on now. its STILL A BOAT!
just a different kind to start with, and i'll work my way up :)
i can tell im always going to be a boat person now. sigh.
why do i have such expensive hobbies?!
i can't wait to go places like this and have times like these....
what should i name my first boat?! :)
the next time i fall in love...
i will take my time.
i won't be hurried, rushed or frantic.
and i won't let you be either.
there will be no drama.
no push and pull.
no games.
no wondering.
no soap opera.
it will be calm.
and quiet.
and peaceful.
we will say what we feel when we feel it,
and we will treat each other with the utmost respect at every moment, always.
make no mistake about it...
i will sweep you off your feet if you let me...
but i will put you back solidly on the ground.
i have no intention of ever living in the clouds again.
and i have no intention of jumping with my eyes closed...
we'll take our time because we'll realize we have plenty of it.
and we'll realize that everything is just as it should be.
and that everything we need, we already have in ourselves.
we will compliment each other. not complete each other.
for i am already whole without you, and you are whole without me.
we will ADD to each others lives. make it better. happier. blissful.
things will make sense that haven't made sense in a long time.
the next time i fall in love...
i will take my time.
a few more reasons why erin foster is a new hero of mine :) <3
there seems to be a theme in this world, and among my friends.
denial.
i've never really been much on denial. never ever i guess.
denial keeps you from growing, and keeps you from the things you need and want.
there's no use in denial.
so why then do i constantly have conversations like this:
friend: i can't believe he's moving on.
me: well did you TELL him you still love him?
friend: not exactly...
me: what exactly did you say?
friend: that i don't love him anymore and that we should both move on...
me: so what exactly are you upset about?
friend: he's moving on...
me: are you serious with this right now?
friend: yeah... why?
me: okay 2 things. 1: he's not a mind reader, nor should he have to be. he should be able to trust you. you say you don't want him- so he's going to believe you. that's a powerful feeling when you're rejected like that. why would he keep doing that to himself even if he DOES love you? you just flat out said there was no hope. so why would he waste his life away? because YOU are a liar? it shouldn't work like that, and you shouldn't do that to someone you say you still love. that's YOUR fault. and 2. why are you LYING? if you want him, why not just say "i want you" and be happy?
friend: i'm scared. i love him, but it's just going to be so hard to make it work.
me: of course it's going to be hard... everything is AWLAYS going to be hard. GET OVER IT.
i don't understand people denying their feelings. the ONLY way i can live is to say what i mean.
truly. it's the ONLY way i can survive.
i've been watching this show called "Revenge" lately, and its SO GOOD.
its like a psychology study on how liars attract liars and psychopaths attract psychopaths and sooner or later-
everyone self-destructs. even over the smallest things...
i dont want to always have to be looking over my shoulder. i don't want to have to make up stories.
i don't want to have to dig myself out of holes. i don't want to have to feel guilty about lying to someone who deserves the truth. i want to know that every interaction i'm having is a REAL interaction because i'm telling the truth, and trusting that the other person is as well.
even on little things. if you ask me something like "have you looked at my facebook today?" and i've looked at it 20 times, i'm going to have to say "yep. i practically stalked you today." it's embarrassing, but why would i lie? you'll laugh, and we'll be done with it. but here's the OTHER side of it: i say NO, and sooner or later, i will trip up with that information. i will rattle off something i saw on your page that you never told me and you're going to say "how did you know that?" and then im going to have to reach for ANOTHER lie, and ANOTHER to cover my tracks. then i'm always going to be worrying about whether or not you believe me (which you SHOULDN'T at this point because i'm untrustworthy and therefore undeserving of your friendship) and it just turns into a huge mess. plus now- you are i are not having a real interaction. its based on lies. even something SO SMALL as that.
i trust that you are going to tell me the truth, because i will ALWAYS tell you the truth.
and if you don't believe me on this- test me. you may not like the results- but it will be a real interaction.i don't lie. i don't save feelings. i don't appease and that is not conditional. everyone always thinks it won't apply to them, but i'm nothing if not consistent. im honest with my best friends, with acquaintances, and with strangers. everyone deserves the exact same respect. its what you DO with that respect that determines how close we're going to be. because let me tell you, whether i let YOU know or not, i KNOW when you're lying to me. and i DO test people. i do it all the time. because i want to make sure i am investing in the right people. and if i catch you in a lie (which you will NEVER catch ME in a lie... trust me... because i DON'T lie...) we're going to have to be done. no matter how hard that is, we're going to have to be done.
unfortunately, these days, if i find out you have lied to me about something even as small as a facebook check, i just cannot have you in my life. after being lied to for years upon years by people i considered close friends or family- there is NO ROOM in my life for liars now. so even if you're going to fudge a detail here and there... even if you're going to spare my feelings and tell me i don't look so fat these days... even if you're going to tell me someone likes me when they don't- or that you don't feel anything for me when you do- we are NOT having a real interaction, and therefore- you are not worthy of me. you are only worthy of me lying back to you. which is something i will never do. so you just won't get me at all.
if i find out you are lying to me, in ANY way, we are done. i don't care what it is. big or small.
because i would NEVER lie to you. not to save your feelings- and not to save my face.
lying leads down a road that i never want to travel.
so if you're going to lie about ANYTHING- please just save time and stay away from me.
we'll both be a lot happier.
you'll get to lie and be fake and appear exactly how you want to appear to people,
and i will have an honest life filled with real interactions.
your choice.
"the most dangerous secrets a person can bury, are those that we keep from ourselves..."
2012 is quickly approaching.
2012 is the year i get my first great dane :)
i am SO excited. i haven't a clue when i'll be financially stable enough to support 3 dogs, food, vet bills AND rent,
but its going to be happening in 2012. so i'm starting to adopt shop :)
i want a puppy... because raising juniper was one of the best things i've done with my life so far.
shes the best dog in the whole world. shes SO lovely. she calmed down so much with training, she listens, she responds...
when she feels like it ;)
i didn't get to raise foxy. she was already a year old when she came to live with us, but i also feel like she's grown up with us.
and by "us", i mean- with junie and me this year- but ESPECIALLY in the last 6 months. foxy has changed so much and become SO confident that she eats people. im taking foxy to her first training session in a few weeks and im SO. EXCITED. to see if it helps the way it did with juniper. foxy is the best dog in the whole world too. she just needs the serial killer removed from her. then she'll be perfect ;)
ANYWAY. down to business. you get to help me puppy shop!
i'm shooting for april or may, because i'll need to be in my new house before i adopt her.
i just cannot wait. i have butterflies just thinking about it!
2012 is the year of the great dane. and 2013 is the year of the white german shepherd and ranch :)
life is so amazing, i can hardly stand it. <3 GREAT DANE SHOPPING!!! let's start at the beginning.
Picking a Puppy
i want a dalmation great dane, and they're kind of hard to find.
and.... expensive. so, i won't be eating around the time i get her ;) i also want to make sure i get a NORMAL great dane.
not a great dane/mastadon mix... mostly... im just excited to have another kid around the house :)
raising foxy and juniper has been the best experience. they're SO good together.
they were just meant for each other. but i do feel like i'm supposed to have 2 more dogs.
i dont know why... i just feel it. from the time we adopted junie, i've just wanted more and more and more.
i guess this is why people have 20 kids, right?
this is the image that first put the idea of owning a great dane in my head...
then i saw this picture, which was my desktop for... oh... i dont know... 4 months? then i met my cousin jason's great dane puppy Luna, and i was done for. absolutely, absolutely, stick a fork in me, DONE. we met and fell INSTANTLY in love. i spent the whole weekend training her! lol!
the kids were like "um, luna doesn't listen to ANYBODY. she LOVES you" :) YES. <3 its happening.
check list for 2012? house, great dane and boat.
may the force be with me...
life is hard. it is. anyone who tells you it isn't, isn't paying attention.
or has a charmed life. which i do, to an extent. but bad stuff happens around me and to me every day.
and im not going to lie and say it never touches me. im not someone who doesn't WANT to be touched by it.
i want to be a human and have the human experience. if i float above life and ache never allowing myself to get caught up in the things that matter to me, im not having an honest experience.
and i want nothing but honesty.
still... it's hard. and i need help.
i just spent the night making myself a book.
here is what that book consists of. i put the book in my purse.
and whenever i need a little help, here is where i will find it.
sometimes all i need is a redirect. sometimes i need beauty. sometimes i need words.
sometimes i need to remember the good times. sometimes i need a laugh.
and sometimes i need to be reminded to let go and make new memories.
i am through leaning on other people... for now.
im ready to be my own hero again for awhile. <3
i just want everything to be beautiful and happy.
i get so confused and completely derailed when i'm confronted with someone who takes, abuses and manipulates.
i stand up for myself in the moment, and i will always stand up for the right,
but then at home, in the privacy of my bedroom, i'm just not sure what to do with certain information.
why? how? how can they do that? why would they WANT to? it's beyond me.
and thank goodness.
i've come to realize that i am an artist through and through.
there isn't a sensible bone in my body. okay. that's not true.
i walk a pretty tight tightrope between fantasy and reality.
i CHOOSE to fall more on the fantasy side.
i think that if every time i fell off my tightrope i fell into reality, i would break into a thousand pieces.
and trust me, i have.
i used to think the point of finding a way to continue living and moving on was to pick up the pieces
and make yourself whole again.
and over the last few months i've come to realize something very important for me:
it's not about picking up the pieces. it's not at all. its about recognizing where those pieces have landed
and building anew upon them.
sometimes when you're shattered, your pieces go flying every which way. i know mine did.
they were virtually unfindable and recognizable.
so why then would i choose to run around to the ends of the earth, gathering up all the broken, battered, hurt, sad, tired and bitter pieces of myself and gluing back together some frankenstein version of the old miserable me?
i wouldn't. and i shall no longer chase those pieces.
from now on i will see those pieces, scattered every which way the wind took them,
as building blocks. i will no longer try to retrieve them. i will leave them be.
and build upon them right where they lay.
i don't want to take the hurt with me anymore.
i have shed enough tears in the last year for 50 lifetimes.
and i'm done fighting.
i'm done fighting MYSELF. i give up. i give in.
at 11:11 am on 11-11-11, i ran outside and yelled about 100 wishes up into the sky.
they all involved another person, or people. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE OF THEM.
yesterday for my birthday, a mere 15 days later, i blew out my 7 candles on the purple cupcake beebs made for me,
and i made one solitary wish. "i wish to be happy."
that's it.
i no longer wish for everything i can possibly think of because i trust that stuff is gonna happen whether i wish for it or not. just like all the bad stuff happened when i didn't wish for it. my life is about balance. (juniper just sneezed and blew snot all over my legs, arms and laptop. see what i mean? i'm waxing philosophical about life's meaning, and something just brought me back down to earth :))
for as long as i can remember, i've totally misunderstood how i was supposed to be living my life.
and i will live it that way no longer.
i wish to be happy. i want to be happy.
i'm going to continue to put that out into the universe and hope it showers back down on me like
summer rain in england.
ive spent my entire life wondering why im so unhappy. so unattractive. so unloved.
so under-appreciated. so ignored. so put upon. so stupid. so clumsy. so fat. so ugly. so whiny. so untalented.
so someone who will never be truly loved...
i will never wonder that again. i will never wonder what's wrong with me again-
because NOTHING is wrong with me.
i wish to be happy.
so all i'm going to think about from now on- is what can get me there.
everything else can sort itself out. i raise the white flag in the mirror.
i call a truce between my thoughts and my heart.
i'll leave you alone if you leave me alone. we can co-exist without driving each other crazy.
i wish to be happy.
i WANT to be happy.
i AM happy.
Beebs here!
Shelly gave me the honor of being in charge of her Saturday blog!
Thank goodness she did. Why? BECAUSE ITS HER BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY. BIRTHDAY. BOOTS!
I am no where NEAR Shelly when it comes to writing, so you're going to have to bear with me.
Where do I even begin with boots? I just love her. love love love her.
I cant believe I went 27 and a half whole years without knowing her. I mean, really?
You don't know what you're missing. She has provided me with a WHOLE new outlook on life.
I could never thank her enough for all that she's done. All it took was a "like", then BOOM. bff's.
I will never forget the first day we met.
I opened my front door and there she was with arms wide open. Ready and willing to take me in.
Boy am I glad she did! I cant even begin to tell you how much Shelly has helped me grow as a person.
She is the definition of a GOOD PERSON.
There is something about her that instantly makes you love her.
I've never met anyone like that before. She IS my happy place. I think our Santa Cruz trip is what really did it for me. Thats when I fell in love... with ube. ;)
but really, hearing about all of her accomplishments and experiences made me think "I want that".
I have never met another person who appreciates every moment of every day so much.
If only everyone could be like her. Appreciative. The world would be a better place.
I cant count how many times I've called my friends after a "beebs n boots day" to tell them how AMAZING my day was.
I cant help but laugh just thinking about our adventures. I'll tell ya, we are two funny betches. I said it.
Like I told her, we could light up any room. Why? Because we are two happy people. Merry happy!
It has come to the point that every thing I do reminds me of her, that's when you know this persons your best friend.
Here is a small list of things that remind me of the birthday girl. when i see,hear, think, or taste any of these things... I think of Shelly (boots in a nutshell): mint green. hair. dogs. ube. unicorns. target lady. the sky. the letter "s". deer. trees. stripes. pink (the f22-something color). charming charlies. scarves. glee. new girl. bj's. earrings. bridesmaids. boats. boots. birds. butterflies. brown ford focus. pumpkins. mint n chip. fall. hearts. Like every friendship we have our ups and downs. You know what?
That can only make your friendship stronger, and it has.
I have never felt so loved by anyone, I dont think she knows that.
Did you know that, boots? I have never felt so loved by anyone.
Words could never measure up to my growing love for Shelly. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.
I know that sounds super sappy, but I really do thank God everyday for her.
People are put in your life for a reason. I ALWAYS try to make the best of it. So does she.
I wish everyone knew how amazing of a person she is. Never a dull moment with my Boots.
I cant wait to see what the future holds for you, boots!
Its gonna be good, I can feel it. Its happening. Lets celebrate!
LET'S CELEBRATE SHELLY FRIGGIN' BORT!!!!!!!!!!
I just Love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
love, Beebs <3
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